This is really well explained. I might add that, like a child overwhelmed with emotions, blubbering away through their tears trying to be understood, some spouses have no idea how deep their hurt is, what the source of that hurt originates from, or how much damage they afflict on their emotionally healthy partners. They are blind to the idea that their behavior is even abnormal. The result is an unsustainable and doomed relationship, where trying to meet your partner's emotional needs is like trying to fill up a bottomless pit. So it was in my case.