This is really well explained. I might add that, like a child overwhelmed with emotions, blubbering away trying to be understood, some spouses have no idea how deep their hurt is, what the source of that hurt is, or how much damage they afflict on their emotionally healthy partners. They are blind to the idea that their behavior is even abnormal. The result is an unsustainable relationship where trying to meet your partners emotional needs is like trying fill up a bottomless pit. So it was in my case.