Ohhhh, I hate boxes, too! :-)
I don't think you can be a theologian without being honest, and any honest unbiased theologian is going to have doubts. God dropped us into a mystery and there is a reason He remains hidden away. I have a sneaky suspicion he's not going to doom us to hell for asking questions.
BTW, you have an incredible story. As an art fan and collector, your paintings are fantastic!